Prozac Capital of the World

I think I finally realize why everyone here is on Prozac. It completly SUCKS here in the winter. My sister in law told me that before Christmas you will love the snow but after New Years, it gets really hard to deal with. So True. I feel like im going crazy- I never leave the house or my "lounge clothes" Seriously, how do people do it??? I think its been so hard for me because I havent made any friends-so my kids and hubby are really all I got. Dont get me wrong-I love them to death, but everyone needs something outside of the house. Book Club girls-I really miss you guys!!! Its amazing what one night a month does for your sanity. The kids love the snow. Noah just started his snowboarding lessons and he cant get enough. He wanted to go back the next day. Lani, actually hates it. She is like me-she cant stand to be cold. She has asked her teacher if she could stay in for recess because she gets too cold. Tyson and Caleb love to build snow forts and go sledding down the driveway. Im happy that my kids can be happy-but I also feel so bad because we dont ever leave the house. I beg Bill to take the boys with him when he runs work errands just to get them out. And to make matters worse, I almost killed my family on our way home from AZ. I hit a patch of ice and we skid and turned and skid some more. It really is a blessing that we didnt flip or hit another car. We definatly had our guardian angels watching over us that day. If my reluctance to drive in the snow was bad before, its absolutly out of control now. I wont go anywhere unless Bill can go too. Its pretty sad.

Bill has now started studying for the bar, so my only friend will be occupied until the end of Feb. I really need a life!! I have started trying to figure out this new photoshop program that I got, but the technical babble is to much for me. I just ordered a "how to" book, so hopefully I can learn from that and create myself a new hobby.

Im not ashamed to call myself a back and forth type of person. I just get totally into something and then after a while the desire is gone, and then I find something else and so on and so on. I always go through reading phases. I will just want to read all the time-any book I can find I will read, and then sometimes, I just cant get my self to sit and read for nothing. I go through the tv phase. I will have like 20 shows I like to watch. I never would miss Dr phil or Oprah. I watched all the CSI shows, and a bunch of reality shows. I would watch Monk, and Medium, Crossing Jordan, Veronica Mars... You get the picture. I have also gone through the hair phase. I would study and teach myself new techniques, attend classes, try really hard to find new clients so I could try all these new things out. I go through the cleaning phase where all I want to do is clean and organize (Bill loves this one) and re arrange my entire house-but most the time im in the I dont want to clean anything phase. But most recently, its been the blogging and photography phase. I could spend hours on the computer-blog hopping or fixing pictures. I always seem to be in one phase or another. Since I have come home from our AZ vacation, I cant seem to get myself to be interested in any phase. The good thing about this is I have been spending tons more time with the kids-which is the most important thing anyway, but my interest in anything is gone. I think thats why it has taken so long to blog about Christmas. Today is the first day that I have even looked on anyone else's blogs. I cant get myself to clean, or to cook. I dont have any interest in reading (except the scriptures-but thats always been a hard one), I dont really care about TV. I still record the few shows I watch, but I rarely watch them, and dare I say it, I have not been into blogging. I have tried. I will sit down and try, but I just cant bring myself to do it. Ive really just been so tired that I just go to bed early. What is wrong with me??? Hopefully this too is a phase that will pass as quickly as all the other ones do. Maybe when the snow melts!!! ha ha.

American Idol is on tonight and I really could care less. I will still probably watch it, just because I have with all the seasons, but Im not really into it. Strange. Maybe this is my reflective phase. I think alot about where I am in life and where my family is and what can we do to change and to be better. I think almost killing my family did something to me. It made me think that what I have can be taken away from me in seconds. I better get my act together and make the most out of the time we have. My kids are crazy and most times out of control, but they are all such good kids. They all want to do whats right (most of the time) and they all have such distinct personalities. I couldnt have been blessed with better kids. I know that life is hard and it will be my whole life, but we can either learn from our trials and our mistakes or we can let it bury us. Its hard to be here in a place that im not familiar with and to not have friends. I dont mean to say that im a loser and cant make friends, its different where I live-everyone is older and no one has 5 kids. The average age is 37 and the average kids per household is 2. Its the "im going to wait until my 30's to have kids so I can have a career" types. I really do enjoy the ladies of my ward. They are all so sweet. Its just different from what im used to. I loved my last ward. We had young and old and everything in between. (im jealous of you Julie!!) I think people are kinda scared off by the whole 5 crazy kids thing. You would think that wouldnt be so here in Utah.

Anyway, I have vented enough. I always know its time to stop when I stop making sense. I was inspired by Missy to make this more of a journal and to not let what others might think affect what I write. I am what I am (and thats popeye!! Office fans anyone??? one phase I will never grow out of. Favorite show of all time)