Thoughts

This week has given me a lot to think about. I go through spurts of not really trying to think of much because it causes me way too much stress, but then there are times that I am given opportunities to put things into perspective. Ive had to take a good look at my life and the way that I live it. Ive come to the conclusion that it will never be how I picture it should be. I put way too much pressure on myself to try and "DO" it all. Im not one of those moms who volunteer for everything and people dont ever come to me in search of help and advice like I know so many people have to deal with and I am a little thankful for that. (I did volunteer at the school bookfair for 2 days, I felt pretty good about myself =) I just try to fit it all into one day and by the end of that day, I have not accomplished anything. I try to clean until its clean, but that never happens and I end up cleaning all day and ignoring my kids, husband, dinner, and everything else I should be doing. I have this picture of perfection and im so not a perfectionist. I did take on some traits from my Dad though, sometimes like when im cutting hair, it takes me way too long becasue it has to be perfect, or when I start a project (projects are my dads specialality) it takes longer than it should because I find more ways to organize. Its weird that I can be so picky about some things, but when it comes to my home, Im just not and I cant figure out why. I go to my sister in laws house and it is always perfect, Its clean even when its got toys on the floor, its way too cutely decorated and her kids are always the cutest. Im so the opposite. My house is always a mess and its always unorganized even though I spend hours organizing it. I really have no decorations at all and my kids are never clean. Tyson is a little obsessed with clothes and he thinks he knows better than me what matches and what looks good, so he is always a little mismatched. The second I put clean clothes on Caleb, they are no longer clean. (We dont call him pigpen for nothing). I for some reason think that everyone else has it together and I am just a mess all around. It gets really discouraging after a while. I am litterally making myself crazy. I want so much, but I cant do it all. I think I know that now. I have been praying for help in this area for so long and I felt that this was never going to end, but I think Ive had a revalation of some sort. Its like all of a sudden, my alzheimers temporarily left and I saw the truth (or my husband showed it too me, same thing right?) I really have to be happy with the person that I am and the situations that im dealt. I dont really know what anyone else is going through-they might be going through the same stuff but they are just masters at hiding it. I have 5 kids and in that is a lot to deal with. I am always going to deal with messes and laundry and dirty faces and pee all over the bathroom and food all over the floor and toys all over the house and a husband who likes to spend all day Saturday watching football ( i just had to throw that one in there) Lani will always cut her own hair no matter how many times we have to chop it, Caleb will always have a dirty face and runny nose and he will always make the biggest messes just cause he can. Tyson will always "attack" Caleb because he took his toy from him and in the process wake the baby from the yelling and screaming. Noah will always whine because he has to do chores or because the little kids got into his room and trashed it, and Avery will always be high maintance. And "ITS OK" It really is. Its ok if they are always the ones who are running through the house and screaming, or if they are the only kids talking and lauging when its supposed to be quiet ( church is a whole other post) and its ok if we go out to the store and they are straight out white trash, even thought I always said i would never be that mom who takes their kids out with no shoes or a messy face or dirty clothes, but I am that mom because I dont have the time to change their clothes for the 10th time that day or because I have to run and grab something fast or if I forgot the wipes to wipe them down after lunch. Its OK. My kids will never be the best behaved or the quietest or well dressed, my house probably wont ever be the cutest because I could honestly care less about decorations and I would way rather spend my money on something else. I will never be fully organized, I will always find something else to organize which will create more unorganization. Its how I roll, and its OK. As long as my kids are happy and as long as we teach them the important stuff and as long as they know how much their mommy and daddy love them, that is ok with me. I will do all that I can and that will have to be good enough. I love being a mom and wouldnt trade it for the world. I was sent these kids for a reason and for that reason I will keep on keepin on (We are all Brady Bunch right now) I love watching the kids play and laugh together. I love listening to Noah read to Lani her princess book. I crack up everyday because Tyson has the whittiest (sp) comments. I melt when little Avy smiles at me and gives me the hugest slobber kisses. I love when Caleb gives me a spontanioius hug or kiss or pinches my bum and says "tooshie" and runs away laughing. I love when Lani trys to save the little animals (like our little mousy house guest) or crys because she has the sweetest tender heart. I love how Caleb doesnt want to go anywhere without Tyson. I love when Noah laughes so hard because he just told a not so funny joke. I could go on and on. I just love my sweet kids and their energy and their different personalities and for who they are. I am so blessed to have what I have even thought its so dang hard and tiring and crazy and time consuming and so much more, but by far the good out weighs the bad. I know that with each stage comes different trials, but I want to enjoy them right now. I dont want to worry if my kids think im crazy because im dancing around like a nerd, I just want to have fun. I want to be more involved instead of cleaning (or blogging) all day.
Sorry if this was so all over the place, but I really just wanted to get this out for my own purpose, so when times get crazy, I can look at this and remember what I felt and why.

Ok, so on a totally unrelated subject, my sister told me that on the Tylenol website, you can download a $5 dollar coupon because of the whole cough and cold fiasco. So thats pretty much a free bottle-so take advantage.